The Unveiling

So what has been going on backstage? Throwing all suspense tactics out the window, I’ll reveal the happy ending:

I broke down and broke through.

Here’s what happened. I was frustrated with the stubborn scale of judgment. Looking at my weight numbers every day with a .5 pound up and down fluctuation into day 13 was cheese grating my patience.

In a heave of unenlightened complaining, I spoke my annoyance to my dear friend, Matt Monarch. Being a male, he offered a helpful solution. Eat less carrot juice, maybe you are having too much fat, try not drinking after it gets dark. The devil herself would have burned up from the blazing inferno that shot out of my eyes. You mean to tell me that eliminating all solid foods and adopting a consistent liquid diet of 98% vegetables and fruit is not enough?

Matt wanted to be even more helpful, so he called Dr.Fred Bisci, 40 year Raw Pioneer, renown Master Nutritionist, and my trusted mentor. Fred was quickly bumped to the top of my “hit list”. He said that Juice Feasting was an incredible bonus to the body in so many ways, and during the conversation he felt inspired to begin one himself (whether he did or not, his praise speaks volumes on the blue ribbon benefits of Juicing). Then he said that yes, should he Juice Feast, he would likely gain weight because a gallon+ of juice daily would give him greater calorie consumption than his day-to-day eating. Fred tried to comfort me by highlighting the essential nutrients my body would be receiving.

I wanted to spit.

I was forced, cornered, backed into a bush of thorny needles…No Weight Loss!?!?! Lamaze breathing was doing nothing for the tears beginning their swell into a tidal wave of emotion.

That was my breaking point. The storm came – wind! rain! fire! and ice! pelted down on my insides and anyone in range of my torrential release. Then stillness. Life is movement. What was next?

It was crystal clear to me that the only reason I started Juice Feasting was to loose weight quickly. The other reasons – like detox and health – were just window dressing, things I used to make the situation look pretty and noble rather than desperate and needy. Ultimately, I did land on a hot spot, a geyser of gold actually. Following the breakdown, my relationship with food received complete attention, it was all I focused on. The results have been…Blog-worthy, to dramatically understate the truth. I will journal about them soon. For now, however, let me complete the story.

The days following this Day 14 release were unnerving, literally. Before beginning the 92-day journey, my foxy man, Joshua, had sat me down. Looking in my eyes he said, “Babe, I’m going to assume that this could be a roller coaster for you. I am going to be here like a rock, just as I would be if you were with child, and all the bodily mood altering shifts that might come with that experience. ” From Day 14 to Day 21, his bravery was tested.

Although energy levels had been pleasantly high since the beginning of my feast – I could exercise, sleep 8 hours and feel rested, do my normal daily responsibilities, move heavy things if needed – there was building proof that my nervous system was being taxed. My tolerance to every day stress was plummeting. Everything in my life was becoming a burden, from my relationship with Joshua and work, to the raindrop landing on my windshield and the effort it took to breathe in and out. I was feeling very basket-casey, without the luxury of sinking into a hammock and watching the waves of emotions and detox wash over me.

On day 7 of this ride, Joshua pulled me into his arms and a tear slid down his cheek. He was worried for my health and asked me to stop Juicing. I was committed, on task, enduring no matter what – changing direction was not an option. Yet, inside his embrace, I melted out of my rigid wall of WillPower. I saw that my body was giving me clear signs of overload and might benefit from eating again. The revelations around my relationship to food that I had been downloading since Day 13, made it possible to say Yes, okay, that sounds right to me.

On Day 22, I ate prunes.


9 Responses to “The Unveiling”

  1. amanda Says:

    Cor! You write so well! What a roller coaster of a blog…I smiled, frowned, nodded agreement, laughed, identified and reflected my way through your latest entry – it was well worth the wait! You’re a GREAT communicator!

  2. Joey Says:

    I’m thrilled to discover you’re okay. You’ve been a trooper, and I applaud how well you did and how much you put up with. I encourage you to keep up the blog, juicing or not! You’re great at it!

    Hope you’re feeling much better,

  3. jane Says:

    You are so pretty and funny that I was grateful for the “basket-casey” info; it’s nice to know we have something in common.

    Congrats on your break thru.

  4. Alla Says:

    Thank you for coming back to us. How lovely to find others who struggle with a fundamental need, FOOD! And how difficult for you to endure. LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE-a

  5. veggiemom Says:

    Thanks for being so honest. I hope you will keep doing your blog even if you do not do the juice feast. It so refreshing to see such honesty and emotions.

  6. Mark Says:

    Most people do lose weight on this sort of thing even though at times, the weight may plateau and weight loss slow. Those who say that you don’t lose weight have probably never done it.

  7. Alla Says:

    Michelle, I am hungry for news!

  8. Joey Says:

    Update us Michelle! We enjoy celebrating your highs and supporting you through your lows!

    Hope all is well!

  9. emy Says:

    where have you gone to, i love reading your blog. Please update soon.

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