An Overeaters Binge Day

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It began Day 9.  Check out my “Day-by-Day pictures” in the VISUALZ folder for a 1000 words.

What Happened???? My housemates were making some grand raw treats and for the very first time, I experienced stressssss.

The result: BINGE {Yes, even on a diet of all juices, I found a way.} I went reeling into the propolis honey jar, lots of orange juice and coconut water. I also had two servings of my hemp oil + bee pollen mixture. Three days later I am still re-balancing.

Annoying Symptoms include: puffy face – my eyes feel like fluffy doughnuts as if I’m having an allergic reaction; zits on back and face – reminiscent of my highschool days; bitchiness – I literally stayed level 10 fuming for two hours over a toothbrush and wanted to quit my job; distracting stressful cravings for food – I kept my eyes down as my housemates enjoyed their durian and dehydrated treats; doubt – a creeping oozing feeling of “Why am I doing this?” “Will I make it?”

Silver Lining: ~There is Juicy Justice~ During this difficult time, I am feeling how much I use food emotionally. I must have had to restrain my hand 100 times today against the urge to grab food. Watching this phenomena, I was in awe at the energy of my desire. It felt demonic and dumb – wild and primal. Usually when I eat I’ll have a consistent quiet voice in my head that says, “You’ve had a hard day, you deserve it. And, it’s raw, go ahead {the overeaters carte blanche}.” That voice just sounded silly today since I’m juicing; all I could do was shake my head and watch as it rambled on. My commitment kept me as the observer rather than the puppet.

Emotional eating does not help stress. Duh, right?

When i’m stressed, I want change – I want less stress. When I eat, I feel something change. Numbing, dulling of senses, doped up on fat, sugar and fullness…yes, something changes, but never my stress level. I’ve known this for years, but today I felt it, the lie of it all. There is great value to feeling and experiencing, versus the usual blaming and cursing myself and the god that made me helpless to these bodily fires. I understand deeper now and hope this awareness impacts my choices when I return to solids. I have 80 something days to continue swimming in the truth and lie mosh pit; my bet is that change is inevitable.

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3 Responses to “An Overeaters Binge Day”

  1. Sumitra Says:

    Hey there,
    I just want to say that your blog is really enjoyable to read. Your insight is truthful and humorous and I thank you! I did a 1 + 1/2 day juice feast just a few days ago. That was an accomplishment for me, for now. I might give it another go next week when my kids will be home for spring break and I will be home too, with them… not sure yet. Best of luck to you! Love Sumitra

  2. Cheryll Says:

    Hi Michelle,

    It’s Cheryll from Train The Trainer 2 in LA a few months back. I just got Angela’s (Gela to you :-)) latest e mail and decided to see who was blogging. I was so pleased to see your smiling face I just had to drop you a line and say hello!

    I enjoyed all of your comments and your candor. It seems regardless how good something is, when humans get involved we can (I’m talking about myself here first and foremost!) find a way to twist it and muck it up for ourselves. I think it’s FANTASTIC that you shared how you use food emotionally. That was a realization I came to early on in my adopting the raw food lifestyle. It’s my belief that every person in our culture has their own personalization of the same predicament. Gone is the illusion that only those with “anorexia” or “bulimaia” or “obesity” have emotional and behavioral chains associated with food. It has been my observation that, if you eat, you have food issues, big or small, but issues still.

    I’ve also have come to the realization that by adopting a raw food lifestyle and cleaning up my physical vessel, what is revealed are the other areas of my life (emotions, spirit, community, finances, relationships, etc.) that are in need of “cleaning, strengthening and balancing” as well. But with a clearer physical vessel and brain functioning, I feel more empowered to improve all aspects of my being… and have a lot of fun along the way.

    Have a great time with your juice feasting (I LOVE that term) and know that this binge gave your body a chance to scream its wisdom to you, just in case you didn’t quite hear the messages before. And thanks for your words of encouragement for each of us to share our unique message in our unique fashion. Keep posting and I look forward to reading your updates.

    Oh just to let you know, I’ve been road testing the travel kit and making refinements and I have our website up as well. It’s all good! Be WELL!

    warm hugs,
    Cheryll

  3. julie Says:

    Your blog and other people’s comments are reminding me that I am not alone with my emotional eating. I smiled when I read your comments about managing to binge on a juice feast… as only a woman prone to bingeing could! 🙂

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