The Unveiling

April 26, 2007

So what has been going on backstage? Throwing all suspense tactics out the window, I’ll reveal the happy ending:

I broke down and broke through.

Here’s what happened. I was frustrated with the stubborn scale of judgment. Looking at my weight numbers every day with a .5 pound up and down fluctuation into day 13 was cheese grating my patience.

In a heave of unenlightened complaining, I spoke my annoyance to my dear friend, Matt Monarch. Being a male, he offered a helpful solution. Eat less carrot juice, maybe you are having too much fat, try not drinking after it gets dark. The devil herself would have burned up from the blazing inferno that shot out of my eyes. You mean to tell me that eliminating all solid foods and adopting a consistent liquid diet of 98% vegetables and fruit is not enough?

Matt wanted to be even more helpful, so he called Dr.Fred Bisci, 40 year Raw Pioneer, renown Master Nutritionist, and my trusted mentor. Fred was quickly bumped to the top of my “hit list”. He said that Juice Feasting was an incredible bonus to the body in so many ways, and during the conversation he felt inspired to begin one himself (whether he did or not, his praise speaks volumes on the blue ribbon benefits of Juicing). Then he said that yes, should he Juice Feast, he would likely gain weight because a gallon+ of juice daily would give him greater calorie consumption than his day-to-day eating. Fred tried to comfort me by highlighting the essential nutrients my body would be receiving.

I wanted to spit.

I was forced, cornered, backed into a bush of thorny needles…No Weight Loss!?!?! Lamaze breathing was doing nothing for the tears beginning their swell into a tidal wave of emotion.

That was my breaking point. The storm came – wind! rain! fire! and ice! pelted down on my insides and anyone in range of my torrential release. Then stillness. Life is movement. What was next?

It was crystal clear to me that the only reason I started Juice Feasting was to loose weight quickly. The other reasons – like detox and health – were just window dressing, things I used to make the situation look pretty and noble rather than desperate and needy. Ultimately, I did land on a hot spot, a geyser of gold actually. Following the breakdown, my relationship with food received complete attention, it was all I focused on. The results have been…Blog-worthy, to dramatically understate the truth. I will journal about them soon. For now, however, let me complete the story.

The days following this Day 14 release were unnerving, literally. Before beginning the 92-day journey, my foxy man, Joshua, had sat me down. Looking in my eyes he said, “Babe, I’m going to assume that this could be a roller coaster for you. I am going to be here like a rock, just as I would be if you were with child, and all the bodily mood altering shifts that might come with that experience. ” From Day 14 to Day 21, his bravery was tested.

Although energy levels had been pleasantly high since the beginning of my feast – I could exercise, sleep 8 hours and feel rested, do my normal daily responsibilities, move heavy things if needed – there was building proof that my nervous system was being taxed. My tolerance to every day stress was plummeting. Everything in my life was becoming a burden, from my relationship with Joshua and work, to the raindrop landing on my windshield and the effort it took to breathe in and out. I was feeling very basket-casey, without the luxury of sinking into a hammock and watching the waves of emotions and detox wash over me.

On day 7 of this ride, Joshua pulled me into his arms and a tear slid down his cheek. He was worried for my health and asked me to stop Juicing. I was committed, on task, enduring no matter what – changing direction was not an option. Yet, inside his embrace, I melted out of my rigid wall of WillPower. I saw that my body was giving me clear signs of overload and might benefit from eating again. The revelations around my relationship to food that I had been downloading since Day 13, made it possible to say Yes, okay, that sounds right to me.

On Day 22, I ate prunes.

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Speechless

April 26, 2007

Since beginning this Blog, I have been astonished.  Comments have come in of the most generous nature from people connecting with me merely via their eyes looking at a screen.  The miracle of this has not escaped my attention.  After the last post, “My Weight is Waiting”, there was a stream of supportive response, almost desperate to provide a lifesaving boost or solution…what a holy offering.

Needless to say, there is a large, rather snug (((BEAR HUG))) waiting for each and every one of you, should I ever have the honor of meeting the miracle of you in person.  I can’t stop yet…Do you get how great you are?  You chose to spend your life’s precious energy giving to me – a stranger in a big cyber world.  Now I feel like we are all neighbors, waving out our windows and smiling from our backyards.  Giggling behind our hands as we share the secret that we are all in this together. 

Smitten I am, just speechless and smitten.

My Weight is Waiting

April 13, 2007

What is the hold up here? I am still relatively the exact weight and size as when I started 13 days ago. My neighbor started a juice feast 10 days ago – he may actually be doing more of a fast then a feast – doesn’t matter, I’m still complaining. He strolled in yesterday and said, “Yeah, I’ve lost ten pounds, that’s not why I started juicing, but it’s a nice side benefit.” I pointed at the door and said, “Get outta my house!”

It’s like my body is sunning in a hammock on the beach. Not doing a thing with the weight, just enjoying the luxurious break. And like a Cabana boy, I just keep bringing her juicy cocktails. To give credit: I do feel good, nice glow to the cheeks, my tummy is more slender and I definitely don’t miss that bloated water weight feeling I usually have after eating anything other than a fruit meal.

This surprising stall of the scale has forced me to look at other reasons for juice feasting. Why else am I doing this?

…<five minutes of blank screen and unmoving fingers>…

Alright, well there’s the whole health thing, detox, regeneration…blah blah blah, I’m young it’s not that earth shaking. The fact I get to say I did it…whoopdidoo. Changing my relationship with food…now that does have juice for me. I have felt quite imprisoned in a tiny cell – just food, me, and very little light. Is it possible I could soon smell the sweet air of freedom and spread my wings in a field of easy choices?  I fear this is only temporary parole.  Yet perhaps I will find redemption here.  More to come.

An Overeaters Binge Day

April 12, 2007

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It began Day 9.  Check out my “Day-by-Day pictures” in the VISUALZ folder for a 1000 words.

What Happened???? My housemates were making some grand raw treats and for the very first time, I experienced stressssss.

The result: BINGE {Yes, even on a diet of all juices, I found a way.} I went reeling into the propolis honey jar, lots of orange juice and coconut water. I also had two servings of my hemp oil + bee pollen mixture. Three days later I am still re-balancing.

Annoying Symptoms include: puffy face – my eyes feel like fluffy doughnuts as if I’m having an allergic reaction; zits on back and face – reminiscent of my highschool days; bitchiness – I literally stayed level 10 fuming for two hours over a toothbrush and wanted to quit my job; distracting stressful cravings for food – I kept my eyes down as my housemates enjoyed their durian and dehydrated treats; doubt – a creeping oozing feeling of “Why am I doing this?” “Will I make it?”

Silver Lining: ~There is Juicy Justice~ During this difficult time, I am feeling how much I use food emotionally. I must have had to restrain my hand 100 times today against the urge to grab food. Watching this phenomena, I was in awe at the energy of my desire. It felt demonic and dumb – wild and primal. Usually when I eat I’ll have a consistent quiet voice in my head that says, “You’ve had a hard day, you deserve it. And, it’s raw, go ahead {the overeaters carte blanche}.” That voice just sounded silly today since I’m juicing; all I could do was shake my head and watch as it rambled on. My commitment kept me as the observer rather than the puppet.

Emotional eating does not help stress. Duh, right?

When i’m stressed, I want change – I want less stress. When I eat, I feel something change. Numbing, dulling of senses, doped up on fat, sugar and fullness…yes, something changes, but never my stress level. I’ve known this for years, but today I felt it, the lie of it all. There is great value to feeling and experiencing, versus the usual blaming and cursing myself and the god that made me helpless to these bodily fires. I understand deeper now and hope this awareness impacts my choices when I return to solids. I have 80 something days to continue swimming in the truth and lie mosh pit; my bet is that change is inevitable.

Day-By-Day

April 10, 2007

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Why Blog?

April 10, 2007

I have found Blogging helpful for me as well as for others who read it.

You may have discovered that when something is about more that just yourself, there is more motivation to do it. As humans, we naturally desire to help our fellow two-leggeds. We are heart at our core.

It’s a FACT: You have something to share, some wisdom, experience or genius AND someone out there needs to hear it – from you alone. They are waiting…like the lock without a key. Have you ever had something ‘go in one ear and out the other’? It’s usually a preachy phrase or motto from your folks or lover – they keep knockin, but no one’s home. Then, you hear the same message in a song, see it played out in a movie, or hear it from a perfect stranger, and **BAM** it finally sinks in. Click – unlock!

Everything worth knowing has probably already been said at one time or another. Yet the fact remains: no one will share exactly like you can. And someone is waiting to receive from you and have their life changed forever.

Expectations

April 7, 2007

Honestly, it’s been frustrating and embarrassing to be chunky on a raw food diet. I got the glow, but where’s the bod? I lost a few pounds in the beginning, but have fought fat ever since.

Every raw foodist I meet seems slender and balanced. When is it my turn? I’ve gotten advice: Less fruit, avoid dry fruit, do more colemas, eat less fat, eat smaller meals, don’t snack, drink more water, don’t use salt, your body will equalize after a few years, don’t eat after dark, exercise 3x a week!

What the hell? More rules? Sounds similar to the rigamaroll I had to abide by on my cooked food regime. Even though they advised me, those celery stalk gorgeous raw foodies reported a phenomenol carte blanche – they could eat as they wanted and still maintain their ideal weight. Energy levels would suffer if their taste was rich, but the weight was rarely affected.

After 3 1/2 years, I have surrendered. Raw Food does NOT equal Skinny – at least not for me.

This realization is actually a huge relief.  I am unique!  My body has its own rules and conditions it desires to thrive.  With this acceptance of myself, I can stop feeling flawed.  I can be body led, mindful of what I eat, and not think I am impervious to calories and fat.  I can admit I am human and do indeed benefit from regular exercise.

To date, I have never had more fun with raw foods, exercise, or my beautiful bod.

It is this realization that inspired my 92 day juice feast.  The ceremony for a new relationship with food and myself.

Juicy Juice Combinations

April 4, 2007

*I have a Norwalk Juicer and a Green Star 1000 Juicer. I almost always use the Norwalk.

Apple Juice – 2-3 apples. Just cut to fit in juicer – seeds, skin and all. If autumn had a flavor, it would surely be this.

Coconut Green Juice – Juice of one young coconut and 2 heaping T Greener Grasses. Blend. It tastes rich and has a malt-like flavor.

Lemon Water – Squeeze 1 lemon in warm water. Nice in the morning, especially.

Mosh Pit JuiceBase: Using carrot, celery and romaine lettuce as the base, I do my gallon+ juice for the day adding random veggies and herbs to the mix. I follow intuition for quantity and kind of veggies. Additions include: cabbage, spinach, chard, kale, parsley, cucumber and beet. Unusual greats are: garlic cloves, cilantro, turmeric, ginger, and red bell pepper.
Benefit:
don’t have to spend the energy creating separate juice combos.
Possible drawback
: all juices for the day taste the same.

Orange Juice – 2-3 oranges, squeezed. OR, cut them up and suck the essence. ((Anyone remember Bunnicula?)).  Great after exercising, as blood sugar is not affected 25-40 minutes after a decent workout.

Genius Tips

April 4, 2007

Tip #1: Handi Wipes are the first genius tip. It’s day four and I’ve had numerous occassions of the “squirts” ((diarrhea…i am commited to offering clear value to everyone that could benefit, so yes, i’m spelling it out.)) For the squirts, toilet paper just don’t cut it.

Tip #2: If you are juicing with a Norwalk, DO NOT set the full glass you are drinking from on top of the machine while juicing. It vibrates off and “splish splash you are taking a bath”! My grey pants were sacrificed to the juicing gods – a price I gladly paid.

Tip #3: For all my luscious, curvatious brothers and sisters, may I encourage you to take really revealing before pictures. ~Embarass the camera lense itself~ Then, if you want, you can hide them for 92 days. My thought is: it’s gonna make quite a portfolio finish!

Why Weight…here’s my weight journey

April 3, 2007

I am 5’8 1/4”

My frame would probably look and feel ideal at 135lb. That’s my guess, but my body will have the final say.

Stats: ((Clothes off, AM, before any water))

Weight on Day 1: 169.5

Weight on Day 2: 169.5

Weight on Day3: 169.0

Weight on Day4: 166.0

Weight on Day5: 166.9

Weight on Day6: 167.5

Weight on Day7: 167.0

Weight on Day8: 167.0

Wegith on Day9: 166.0

Weight on Day11: 166.5

Weight on Day12: 165.5

Weight on Day13: 166.0